mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
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drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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