I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize