I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize