if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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