is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
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