I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize