i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize