Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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