I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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