Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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