I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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