Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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