I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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