just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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