it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You pole danced in your parka.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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