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Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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