You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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