Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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