i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize