It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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