you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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