I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cannot find my penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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