I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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