I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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