if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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