I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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