There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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