After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize