i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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