There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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