Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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