Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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