in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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