you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
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College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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