Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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