I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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