I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize