I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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