I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
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Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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