i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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