I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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