last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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