I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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