I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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