We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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