Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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