walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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