I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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