So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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