the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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